


The Rules

by nephiliminality



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Ace-friendly, Aziraphale Misses Crowley (Good Omens), Bad Ideas, COVID-19, Gossip, M/M, Politics, Post-Episode: Good Omens: Lockdown, Short One Shot, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:27:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25058461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nephiliminality/pseuds/nephiliminality
Summary: Crowley wakes up in July and gets an update on what he missed.(aka 'Neph has a rant about an English political scandal and thinly disguises it as a fanfic')
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Kudos: 37
Collections: AwakeTheSnake





	The Rules

**Author's Note:**

> General Audiences apart from some mild swearing.
> 
> CW: Covid-19 (general setting, irresponsible behaviour by public figures).

*brrpbrrp.brrpbrrp*  
*brrpbrrp.brrpbrrp*

*click*

"Hello, A.Z. Fell & Co. I'm afraid we're closed at the moment."

"Hi angel"

"Crowley! You're awake! How lovely to hear from you! Did you sleep well?"

"Very. I see it's still going, though."

"Alas, yes, it all seems to be rather a mess. I'm having such trouble keeping track of all the changes to the rules. They started letting people who live alone make something called a 'bubble' with another household a few weeks ago, so I think you could come over now. That is, i-if you want to, of course."

"A few *weeks* ago? Why didn't you wake me?"

"It was hardly a good reason to disturb your slumber. You didn't go to sleep just because you couldn't come here, after all, haha. Um. Did you?"

"Nono no, obviously not. Buuut, you know, big change in the rules like that, something I should probably know about. Don't want to be caught napping when there are opportunities for mischief."

"Oh don't start. There's more than enough of that going around already."

"Oh? Do enlighten me. What did I miss?"

"Well, you know the Prime Minister's advisor?"

"Hang on. Is the PM still the mop-haired walking priapism? I have been asleep for a couple of months, it might have changed."

"Yes, it is. You recall the advisor?"

"The bald one? Likes causing chaos? Got Wannabe Evil Overlord written all over him?"

"I thought you approved of causing chaos."

"Only up to a point. Too much of it gets in the way of causing any more in the future. That guy doesn't know when to stop."

"You're not wrong. Yes, that's him. Well, he went to Durham, during the lockdown, with his wife and child."

"Durham? That's nearly in Scotland."

"Not that close, these days, but yes, it's a long way from London."

"One of yours, isn't it?"

"It is! It turned out quite nicely. Lovely cathedral."

"I'll take your word for it. So, I couldn't come to Soho but he went halfway up the island?"

"It's worse than that. He said he did it because he was coming down with the virus and he needed childcare."

"...So he went for a five-hour drive when he could keel over at any minute? With his kid in the car?"

"Apparently so."

"Probably dropping off the virus at every service station on the A1?"

"Indeed."

"What a wanker."

"Oh it gets even worse. While he was there he took the family on a day-trip to another town. And he said he did that to check his eyesight was good enough for the journey back to London."

"He... checked he was safe to drive, by going for a drive? With his kid in the car again?"

"Exactly."

"That's what he used as his actual excuse?"

"Yes. Really."

"Well. That's an impressive way to change careers. So who's the new advisor? Anyone interesting?"

"Oh, no, he's still in post."

"...What."

"Yes! The Prime Minister backed him! Half the Government lined up and defended him! Said he'd only done what any other parent would do. Which went down about as well as you'd expect with all the parents who'd been diligently following the rules. And everyone else for that matter, going without each other for simply ages because those were the rules, I had half a mind to... well, anyway, the lockdown started coming to pieces after that. It's all looking rather worrying."

"Alright, now I want to go back to sleep again. That's no fun at all."

"Oh. Must you? Hmph. Well, if you must, perhaps you could... maybe... do it here?"

"Since you ask so nicely, angel, I'll be right over. Save me some cake."

"Of course dear. I've been doing apple cake this week."

"Perfect."

*click*

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and constructive criticism welcome and appreciated, either here or on [Tumblr](https://nephiliminality.tumblr.com/) :)
> 
> This was a personal experiment to see if I could write a fic that consisted entirely of dialogue without it being completely unreadable. I like how it turned out.
> 
> I want apple cake now...


End file.
